Many people mix the authority given by position or title with respect. I am ... so and so in a position of that and that, therefore I am respected. NO!!
Respect, my dear people, is EARNED!! Earned by what you do, how you do it, the way you behave and treat others. It is never, ever given!!
Lately, I was writing separately on confidence, authority, leadership. Let me sum up all these, as they are interconnected :
Confidence has an aura of humility, while insecurity leads to arogance. True leaders are confident, while wannabes are arrogant. Arogance usually hides insecurities for the lack of knowledge and skills in certain areas. Arrogant people hide the information for they see any kind of sharing as a personal threat.
Confident people and true leaders share the knowledge and information, because they know the best way to achieve goals is through collaboration.
Authority comes naturally to confident people, they do not micromanage and hold on to every little thing. They understand that respect is EARNED, not given by a title or position. Those who think otherwise, and sadly there are plenty of those, are running us into the ground.
When was the last time you met someone really competent? And I am not talking about arrogant I am mr.dr.pr or ceo full of air. Just somebody who can explain in simple words, calm, humble. I met a person like that today and it made my day, as I thought that species is extinct. Competent people know how to do the job, they know how much they know and they also know what they do not know and are not afraid to ask. They are humble, but sure of themselves. They are quietly confident. Question is how many of us can recognize such people? Not many according to state of our societies.
How many people we have that will stand by us no matter what? No calculations, no hidden agenda. They are there to help us, to stand with us even if it hurts them. I have a few. And that is my true and only genuine treasure. That small group of hard core, stubborn, relentless and faithful people I am lucky to have as friends and family.
How many times have we seen a person with "supperior" attitude yet when they try to explain something they are all over the place and the point (whatever that was) is lost.
The other day we ran across the doctor that was more in administrative issues of payment and insurance than in actual illness of a patient. My mother commented it is probably the system. I said no - one cannot blame the system for every little thing. She is incompetent, trying to mask it behind the perceived image of authority.
If a person cannot get to the heart of the matter in a quick and concise manner, they go into everything else but the matter itself. They muddy the water and it is simple as that.
Ethics is study on morals, main factors being moral, concience, good, evil, love. I would say it society's most important aspect. Without ethics, we are going down the spiral. And there are lot of aspects of ethics: individual and corporate one. Individual is up to each person to do do the best they can, and act responsibly, hence the Plato quote. Corporate one starts at the top and if the head stinks so would the rest of the body.
In the world of hash tags, I wanted to tag an article on cosmopolitan meaning and it took me straight to magazine and fashion. Yes, there is a magazine, yet how many people know the true meaning of cosmopolitan? It seems very few. This quote from Thomas Payne went straight to the core. But, if we do not even know the meaning of the word, how can we ever be true cosmopolitan individuals and society? Not soon, if ever.😩
Remember that time? We all wanted to be grown-ups so nobody bothers us and we control our own lives. Little did we know that we never truly control our lives completely and that life can turn into problem solving, one day at the time. It is society, family, people around us, government ... they all influence and try to control lives. So in the end we realize that the only time we were free was the time when we were kids. Heh, funny old world, isn't it?
Today was the script day for Murphy's law. Running late in the morning, jumping out of bed like off the toaster. Got to work in the last second, breathing heavily.
My husband's cold got worse, he thinks he is dying now, cannot breathe properly and finally I managed to convince him he needs a doctor.
Went to collect my son from school and on the way back, bloody car stopped in the middle of nowhere and yes I forgot my cell phone.
We got out of the car waiting for some taxi to miraculously pass by and finally it did. Got home, called a help on the road but there's a problem - I am not at the same spot where the car is?!!
Hopped in the taxi again .... Boy I am glad this day is over ... almost.
Oh yes . keep calm😤😤
Yeah it is one of those days when you feel utterly disappointed by people you didn't expect and did not see coming.
They say never to expect anything, thus never be disappointed. Oh, but what kind of life would that be, without any expectations? I believe a very sad one.
So, I will put on my happy face and keep swimming and still expect something good and worthwhile.
Another favorite by Robert Frost. I myself, at first took the road that was already smooth and shiny. Didn't make me happy. Then, without realizing it at first, I took the one less traveled by and though more difficult, I enjoy every second of it.
Have a good day.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
When was the last time our generation witnessed some serious and mind blowing scientific breakthrough? I mean in the line of antibiotics, airplane invention, landing on a planet etc.
All I hear is that millions and millions (of taxpayers dollars) were spent on things like whether boys like trucks and girls dolls, world craft or witch craft (not sure) gaming??? (Seriously 4 million $spent on that), monkey gambling and synchronize swimming - really?
So I went to see what is definition of research nowdays. It says "systematic analysis of current knowledge for the purpose of finding new facts and improve knowledge". Ok, so current knowledge of what? Gaming?
Remember Julius Vern and his 20,000 miles under the sea? We have a submarine now. Or around the world in 80 days? We can do that now thanks to airplanes and much better boats.
Where did our imagination go? Is it only limited by gaming now? What happened with cures - cancer for instance - lack of will power or the fact that everything turned into business?
And space, I honestly thought when I was a child we would have already landed on dozen different planets.
How about quantum physics and expanding or at least tackling theory of relativity??
Nothing. We went globally dumb and boring. Waiting for the new tech gadget to be bigger or smaller depending on a fashion trend, I suppose.
We got away from true imagination, thus from the true research and science.
I posted not too long ago us v them on social identity theory. Everybody sticks with their own "kind" and some reasons behind it. If we stay within our own pack we never grow as persons, characters and human beings. Dare to explore, it does not have to be far. Meet something and somebody different and new. It will change your perspective on world in general. It is not that scary. And you'll be surprised how much we all have in common.
I caught part of a coverage on Four Seasons hotel in NYC and the cost of one apartment is $44,000 per night with note that people who take it usually have it for 3 or more nights.
I thought to myself what a waste. I was not jealous or envious, not at all. There will always be people with money and wealth,yet if you do have money to waste why not give it to charity and help somebody? Give it for a good cause.
I guess spending the night for $44,000 may have some status symbol impact? To me it's bordering with stupidity. And definitely is not in line with being classy.
That's something I never could do properly. I either like somebody or I don't. I was always wondering how people do it. Big, broad smile asking about the family and similar and then go right around talking behind your back.
I've tried it, and it looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger's smile in Terminator. Oh well. If all the world's a stage, this stage is not for me.
Our world is not the whole universe and we are not the center of it (contrary to popular belief).
And yet we act like it, making our lives more complicated than it should be, thinking it can never be brought to an end.
Our world(s) is just one of many specks and as Henry David Thoreau said the universe is wider than our view of it.
So, is that the answer - broadening our views in order to understand both the universe and ourselves? If it is, we are not heading into right direction.
Success means different things to different people. There is no single definition of success: for some it is getting a job, for many it is a thick bank account and great car, for some it is getting into university and for some simply having a roof over their head.
As for me definition of success changed over time:
When I was a kid I did not want to be a Louse Lane, I wanted to fly and be a hero ☺.
During school days I wanted to get into cybernetics and invent humanoid robots 😂.
After I graduated I wanted to be the best possible female manager and I was for some time ... Didn't make me happy though.
And now - I just want to do something I love and enjoy and be surrounded with people I love deeply and travel occasionally and explore different worlds. I am getting there...and that is ... success.
Today, a bit different post from me. My son woke up today with acne on his face. Pure, live, drama! He counted seven (luckily small ones)??? I honestly saw just two. I was thinking to myself "stay calm, stay composed...". We had a talk how natural that is, he will grow out of it, no picking and so on. He calmed down. All that time the mood swings lately started to make sense and it finally hit me: puberty!!! So soon? I started to recall "horror" stories of my friends with older children, one describing this period as aliens body snatching your child??!! Baby steps, breathe in and breathe out ....I am freaking out ....breathe...
I've heard a good one the other day:"I cannot see you properly, as you're hidden behind complexes ".
We all have them to some extent: inferiority, superiority, Napoleon, hero, guilt, excellent student ...
As long as we are aware of it, at least to some extent we are ok. But when they consume us in such way we become one ... Houston we have a problem.
Doing things for the benefit of others. Giving a helping hand. That, above all things, makes us human, that capacity for being good.
It seems however, we show true altruism in large numbers only in the time of distress: natural disasters, wars etc. Thereafter we go back to our regular, somewhat selfish same same. And we should not. It does help the giver as well. And when we do help, we should not expect anything in return or do it for marketing purposes. That destroys the whole concept of altruism. It sometimes bites us in the rear as we help the wrong people, but that's on them. Let's continue be good, rather than bitter.
Do we love people or material things? What are we willing to fight for? Family, friends or bank accounts? Is it more important to show off the car we just bought or open our mouth and say please, thank you and hello showing the upbringing and manners? Is our loyalty controlled by opportunity or is it something much stronger? Do we smirk when we meet people or accept them? Who and what we love does tell a lot about us all.
This is the trend lately, we have to share exactly the same thoughts if we want to be civil to each other? Are you kidding me?? My best friends, every single one of them differ with me on something at some point. And yes, we have heated debates, discussions and we are still friends. I would not like it any other way!! So what's going on??? We need to go back to basics and revisit principles and foundations of democracy, liberty, ethics and friendship.
For the good evening or a good day I will just share this favorite poem of mine by Rudyard Kipling. I love every single word and hope other parents would too.
Freedom - right to act, feel or think as one wants.
Right - that what is moral, just and honorable.
Responsibility - having a duty to deal with something, being accountable.
Now that we assigned definition to each, one should conclude that one cannot have any one of these without the other two.
Yes, you have a freedom of speach, that is your right, but it comes with responsibility not to tramp some other rights and freedoms.
That just being one example. Yet we always forget that third vital part of the process - responsibilty. And we should not, as the other two won't work either.
Saying thank you and please will not hurt you. Neither would helping someone no matter how small it would seem. So next time, hold the door to someone, ask somebody if they are ok, tell them they look good and give them a smile. These are all little things that can make somebody's day. Manners matter!
Absence of fear? I don't think so. We all have our fears whether we want to admit it or not. I, myself, have plenty: fear of snakes, spiders, natural disasters, bad people and the greatest one - loosing the people I love. That last and biggest fear comes face to face with the unconditional love I feel towards my family and friends and the fear loses every time. I don't know if that is courage, but it is love.
In the Era of Big Brother the need for mind revolution is important as breathing air. Everybody can easyly find out where we are, what we do and with whom, with our enthusiastic consent.
People who wanted to read books and educate themselves used to be burned on stakes together with books. Nowdays, very few read and have thirst for knowledge and exploration. "The devil" came through a back window and we don't even care. Until ... we have that revolution of the mind.
These days I was not reading just articles (the quality of those to be discussed some other time and media in general), but also reader's comments.
UNBELIEVABLE! It seems those who know the least, find appropriate to write the most!!
Before talking or writing inform yourself please! Google search is just a starting point not a definitive answer! Read a book! Travel! Meet the actual people different than you and move away from that screen! After those steps, engage your brain in critical analysis and thought process!! Then and only then feel free to comment.
I truly believe in first quote - confident people are not arrogant. They know who they are, what they know and what still needs to be learned. They have a right dose of humility. Having said that, I do apply Coelho's premise: fight arrogance with arrogance, not because that is who I am, but because that is the only language they understand.
Us v them - it is everywhere: my school - your school, my team - your team, my country - your country and so on.
Henri Tajfel explained this human behavior through social identity theory. In order for us humans to have sense of belonging and value we identify with particular group. Once we do that, we glorify the traits of our own group and demonize or at least look down upon other group.
Once we think we know which group we belong to we start profiling individuals to establish whether they belong to our in group or other out group. In cultural and religious differences that may (and does) escalate in violence. This is, at least to me, one of the better explanations why people do what they do, in this miserable world of ours.
One thing Tajfel didn't tackle is that there is a third, very small group aware of this weakness of ours who will exploit the premise to the maximum and for their own benefit. We the people are still sheep and we dance as somebody else plays. Now, that has to stop!!
And this is why: Sports fans, true ones, cheer their team whether they win or lose. True fans do not start fights at the games. Yes, you can be loud, yelling and cheering for the team - but profanities and humiliating comments? Please!
If your team looses of course you are not happy, but do not immediately "spit" on them pretending to be more of an "expert" than they are. You try running for an hour and tell me how it feels!
And please, please ... just because your team scored that doesn't mean you need to throw firecrackers and similar!!
I like watching a good game in any sports. And the good game for me is when both teams give their best till the very end.
As Vince Lombardi said: "It is not whether you've got knocked down. It is whether you've got up."
